We had a late start of about 9.30. It was a long straight flat 95 km to Shigatse.
We rode in a group out of the town and remained in a group. This way the leaders shield the back riders from the wind and it makes for a much easier ride. However the pace was quite high and I was struggling to keep up. My main aim is to finish the ride and if I tried to keep the pace of the group I would burn out. Two members headed off the front and they generally did that most of the time. The other four of us remained together with the guide for several km. I was having a tough time keeping up. We stopped for a quick loo break and resumed. I had mentioned to the group that I was struggling a couple of times but when we continued they were just a little too fast on the pace for me so I had to drop off. I rode alone for some time and took in the sights and sounds. I got to the first stop at 30km for a drink and banana. The rest of the group had been there a while and I felt quite left out.
We all set off again after the break and I didn't even try to stay with the group as they whizzed on.
I allowed myself to get upset at the fact that no one stayed with me. That made me annoyed with myself. Then after some time of riding alone I saw the guide up ahead waiting for me. I kept my own pace and rode to the lunch spot where the others were. I was clearly some time behind them and I felt pretty shitty and very left out now.
I was in a lot of pain which didn't help. My head was throbbing and I'd not been able to get comfy on my saddle due to the broken skin on my backside.
I ate my lunch which was great as usual and found it difficult to join in the chatter as I had no knowledge of what they were talking about as they were chatting about the ride up to lunch.
The wind picked up now and we had to ride into it for 35 km.
I set of first as I knew I would be our there the longest. Most of the others past me quickly and the guide and other two past me while I was taking a picture of the irrigation system.
For the rest of the ride I was on my own. The head wind was relentless and made for very hard going. The more I thought of being dropped by the others the more upset I got. I'm sure I only got upset because I was tired and in pain. And because I would never see another rider on their own I just felt it would be nice to be with like minded people who wanted to take everything in and share in the experience. But each person was doing what they wanted to do and that was perfectly correct. However I still felt lonely without someone to share the amazing sights with. Their mission was to get to the end as soon as possible. Even if I could have kept up with them, I wouldn't have as I was here to take in as much as possible. By time I did get to the end I was thoroughly shattered and had to take myself off to the loo as I could not hold back the tears.
I went up to the room on my own and had a good cry in the bath. The exhaustion had got to me and the lack of support I had felt added to my fragile emotions. I am used to riding with supportive people from my cycle club and on this day I was now really thinking I was not strong enough to finish this ride. I was filled with self doubt about not being strong enough to get to base camp and that was my main goal.
But once I had calmed down and given myself a talking to, I resigned myself to the fact that for the rest of the ride I would be riding alone and without the support of the others. Once that had sunk in, I was fine. I am very capable of riding solo and have experience of tough solo rides so knew I could do it.
The following day was a rest day in Shigatse and I didn't feel much like the company of the others so after we toured a Monastry which was amazing, I took myself off and explored the city, the second largest in Tibet, on my own. It was a wonderful afternoon of sights and smells in local markets.
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